1. Pour one quarter of a bottle of Buckfast into a mixing jug.
2. Add a can of Dutch Gold.
3. Then add 100 ml of Devils Bit Cider (if Devils Bit is not available, Linden Village will suffice).
4. Add some Cough Mixture to flavour.

Et voila, there you have it.

1. 1 Large Bottle of Guinness
2. 15 ml Crubeen Grease
3. 15 ml Captain Morgans Rum
4. 1 small Kerr Pink Potato (for garnish)

Rub potato around the lip of a large glass. Carefully blend rum and crubeen Grease so that the solution congeals. Now pour large bottle slowly into the glass.

1. 1 Glass Draft Guinness
2. Small dash of Blackcurrant

Pour the Guinness into a half-pint glass and leave to settle. Top it up. Add a dash of Blackcurrant.

1. 1 Bottle of Baby Powers
2. 1 large bottle of Sullivans Red
3. 9 glasses

Pour 8 glass of red lemonade. One for each of de sprogs. Retain one glass for the baby powers and a dash of the red.

Consume as a family unit. Best taken in Paddy browns....

1. One glass, pint size, dirty (probably local whores lipstick)
2. Half fill with Jamaican Black Rum
3. Add 3 shots of Micky Fins (of it that Fins Micky?)
4. Top up rest of glass with Kilkenny (only found dat side of da bridge)
5. Consume alone in the pub as there will probably be nobody else around!

Local myth has it Day Tripper drinks this when he is feeling blue. Obviously because nobody else goes into the pubs in FerrySkank there has never been any evidence to back this up.

1. 12 Bottles of Smirnoff De'Icer
2. 20 B&H
3. 12 Pack of Durex (Ribbed for her pleasure)
4. Ensure the tide is out...

To Consume:

Ply local whore in Da Baldy Man with 12 Bottles of De'Icer, ensure she smokes around 11 tar sticks. Once fully loaded, drag skank to de beach and pleasure with 12 ribbed fella up against the tide break... must be quick before tide / boyracer boyfriend comes along!

1. 1 Baby Powers
2. 30 mls of Guinness
3. Hot Water (ideally from de Pill River)
3. Sugar to taste
4. 2 Slices of CountryStyle Black Pudding
5. 6 Cloves

Blend Baby Powers, Guinness and sugar into a strong heatproof glass. Embed 3 cloves into each Pudding slice and place in glass. Add the boiling water and stir until the sugar has dissolved. Serve immediately.

1. 1 Baby Powers
2. 1 Slice CountryStyle Black Pudding
3. Cloves and Sugar to taste

Blend Baby Powers and sugar into a strong heatproof glass. Embed 3 cloves into Pudding slice and place in glass. Apply flame from cigarette lighter, extinguish flame before too much alcohol is burnt off and consume swiftly.

1. 8 Pints of Guinness
2. 4 Voka & Ice
3. 2 Bottles of Red Bull

Instructions
This cocktail takes at least 8 hours to take effect and requires an element of self disipline. It does not really matter how you consume the liquid, but we provide the following suggested method.

1. Drink all 8 of the pints of Guinness over a 4 hour period. (you can pace this as you see fit)

2. Consume each of the Vodkas with 1 half bottle of Red Bull over a 1 hour period (again pace as appropriate). If this step is successful, you should have no more liquid to consume.

3. Wait 3 Hours.....

The red bull will set your heart racing to 200 beats per minute. Now the Guinness will put a demand on the body to sleep, however the redbull will demand the body stay awake.
If done correctly, the redbull should win and you will remain awake right through the inevitable painful hangover. No drugs or hangover cures will work to reduce the redbull effect. For this reason this cocktail does come with a CiddyTours health warning.

1. 24 large bottles of Phoenix Ale
2. 3 drops o de cratur (note: 3 bottles of John Power whiskey will do if cratur not available)
3. a thimble or two of red lemonade
4. one packet of Tayto crisps
5. One Malachy Skelly (turf accountant) betting slip
6. One smelly goat's willy

Instructions
1. Discard the smelly goat's willy - you won't be needing that.
2. consume a large bottle of Phoenix.
3. open bag of crisps.
4. spend ten minutes getting crisp detritus out of gaps in teeth
5. consume a liberal portion of Power's whiskey and a smidgen of red in a Tipperary Crystal pewter glass (all your Kilbarrack stuff having been broken in previous attempts at this recipe)
6. consume a large bottle of Phoenix, pour some Power's whiskey into the pint glass when three quarters empty and Tipperary glass has been smashed.
8. repeat step 6 until there is a stirring in the loins for the 187 year old barmaid.
9. Just to be sure, consume one more large bottle of Phoenix and one fifth of a gill of Powers
10. If still in doubt, consume a fifth of a large bottle of Phoenix and a gill of Powers
11. Take a piss and ponder why there was no step 7.
12. If near closing time, ask barman for 4 more large bottles of Phoenix
13. If not near closing time ask barman for 4 more large bottles of Phoenix
14. Ask barman for directions to Phoenix, Arizona
15. consume large bottle of Power and one fifth of a gill of Phoenix
16. Desperately search bar area for missing Goats willy
17. Run to nearest outdoor area (or stay where you are) and puke up the Phoenix
18. Blame the vomit on the red lemonade and rise from the ashes.

1. 10 ml of Tia Maria
2. Small bottle of Phoenix
3. Carton of Snowcream Milk
4. 1/2 lb of Tripe

Boil the Tripe in the milk in the usual was as you do when yer havin' tripe for yer dinner. Pour the Phoenix and Tia Maria into a pint glass while the milk is cooling down. Now pour the Milk (now strongly flavoured with tripe juice) into the pint glass.

Et voila, the Mooncoin Mutton Dagger.

1. Guinness
2. Vodka
3. Dilisk
4. Salt Water (from de back strand)

Put 30 ml of Vodka into a glass and add a small amount of Guinness head (this keeps the maratime theme of this drink as it resembles the scum on the water in Woodstown). Add some of the back strand salty water and decorate with dilisk.

1. West Coast Cooler
2. Baileys
2. Methylated Spirits
4. 3 or 4 Drisheens
5. Cocktail Sticks

Firstly, cook some Drisheens in the normal way and add plenty of salt and pepper. Be careful not to overcook. Half fill a whiskey tumbler with West Coast Cooler and then fill the glass to about 3/4 full with Methylated Spirits. Add some Baileys, which will instantly curdle in the meths to give that 'just regurgitated' look. Place the Drisheens on the cocktail sticks to give that authentic cocktail look and place in the glass.

Ignite the drink with a McGuire and Patterson, (add lighter fluid to aid combustion if necessary). Allow the drisheens to brown in the flame.

1. Blaa (fresh)
2. 1 Bottle Guinness
3. 70ml Paddy
4. 1 Table Spoon of John Mulannes blood (found on the end of a Cork Hurley)
5. Pinch of salt and Odlams flower to season.

Take the Blaa, Guinness, paddy and blood and place in an Mulinex 350G blender (the 350G is the best a blaa can get) Blend until smooth and creamy (add pinch of salt to flavour).

Place the contents in a heat proof glass (Pyrex is best for this, but if you can't afford pyrex, any auld piece of shit glass stole from de local will do)

Pre-heat the over to 4000c. Place in the centre of the oven. Cook until a light brown colour (the same as the discharge from Darrers nob!). Leave to cool, sprinkle with some flower for that authentic blaa look. Consume within 3 days. Should get the average blaa boi (talking about you Bolocky) suitably pissed!

1. 50 ml Kiskadee
2. 200 ml Kola-Cadet
3. 1 small umbrella
4. White (can be slightly off colour) underwear
5. 1 UV lighting rig

Put on underwear (on de outside works well). Turn on de UV lighting and begin to mix de Kola-Cadet with de Kiskadee. Garnish with de small umbrella. Serve and enjoy...

Afterwards you'd be steeped if ye get a coleslaw chip on de way home

1. Bottle of Bass
2. Packet of Tayto (Cheese and Onion)
3. Jeyes Fluid
4. Foam filled seats with some of the plastic cover torn off

First, wash the floor and walls with de Jeyes Fluid to get the authentic Paddy Flemmings bar smell. Then sit in the Foam seat so that it's really like Paddy Flemmings. Pour the Bottle of Bass and consume the Tayto crisps. Optionally add a small amount of the Jeyes fluid to the Bass for extra kick. You can also go next door to Jim Storans for a haircut should the need arise.

1. 20Ml of Drambuie (siphoned through the unwashed tights of a female traffic warden)
2. 20Ml Smirnoff (dripped down de bumcrack of a brickie)
3. A teaspoon of dried chilli powder (cos it has to hurt on the wayout as well)
4. 500ML a Buttermilk

Mix all together and serve at room temperature in a 1pt Enamel Mug......

Ye cant bait it

1. 1 Bucket
2. 2 Cans of hoffmans
3. 1 Tesco brand bottle of turpentine
4. 3 Hobos
5. 3 straws

Top it off with a darrers bag and a tube of bostic.

1. €25
2. Half Bottle of Keanes Red lemonade

March into the Punter's Rest vigorously shake the bottle of Keanes and drink immediately. put the money on the bar and in a loud and clear voice shout "Maggie Luv surprise me"

1. Draft Guinness
2. West Coast Cooler
3. Bacardi
4. Monicas Bathwater (used)

Pour about a half pint of Monicas bath water into a glass (this is expensive as it is so rare - she don't wash that often).

Add a dash of West Coast Cooler and a dash of Bacardi. Discard the Guinness as this is to put a head on it and give it some colour, but you won't need it as the bath water will be fairly frothy and black.

1. 15 Bottles of Babycham
2. 2 Bottles of Gingerwine
3. 23 cans of Hoffmans
4. 1 Bottle of Sandyman Port
5. 1 Bottle of Poitin (imported from Portlaw)
6. 1 Bottle of Ribena
7. 1 Bottle of Cidona
8. 3 Punnets of Wexford Strawberrys
9. 1 10 Kg Bag of Wexford Queens
10. 1 Turnip
11. 1 Large metal Bath
12. 1 Soup Ladle

Peel all potatos and place peelings to the side. Carefully line the base of the bath with the potatos and then pour in all the fluids. Give 1 quick stir with the ladle and then float the potato peeling and strwberrys on the top. Carefully float the turnip on the punch. If it sinks, you have done it wrong and may need to start again!!

Ideal for those summer house parties....

1. Guinness
2. Powers Whiskey
3. Red Bull
4. Ribena
5. A half dozen eggs
6. Snowcream milk
7. Prune Juice
8. Buckfast
9. Linden Village
10. Lemsip
11. Turpentine
12. Cabbage Water
13. Benelyn

Beat the eggs together in a mixing bowl and whisk in the milk (add some pepper if necessary). Then add 2 tblsp of Turpentine to the mixture and stir in the cabbage water. Then add a sachet of Lemsip and pour in a half bottle of Benelyn (this helps with the hallucinatory properties of the cocktail). Then mix in a half pint of Guinness (draft or can is fine). Add a can of red bull, a glass of Ribena, half a bottle of Buckfast, a half pint of Linden Village and two shots of Powers Whiskey.

Serves 6 - 7. Next morning, make sure that you're not too far away from de jacks.

also Known as a WIDGERS WONDER

1. Barley Wine
2. Vodka
3. Chucks (from Widgers or Molloys)
4. Sawdust

Cook the chucks in the normal way, like when you're having chucks for your dinner. Leave the white thing (spinal membrane) in the chuck when cooking. Half fill a glass with barley wine and then add some vodka. Add the White membrane thing from the chuck into the drink (this should now float). Then add some genuine Widgers sawdust around the edge of the glass for decoration (Evo Stick will aid here).

1. A ahot of Micky Finns
2. A slice of Kervicks finest Lime
3. Can of Smithwicks
4. A Mackrel
5. Perri Winkles

Boil the mackrel in milk and then add the boiled milk to a glass. Do the same with the perri winkles. Add some of the can of Smithwicks to the fishy milk to add some colour. Add the perri winkles to the drink to give that maratime effect. Throw in the shot of Micky Finns (to make it go green). Decorate the glass with a slice of Lime to keep with the colour co-ordination of the drink. (An ideal one for Paddys Day)!