How many drinks should I have on a tour?
CiddyTours' resident physician recommends drinking enough that you are no longer able to count exactly how many.
Then have another, what's one more?

Can I bring my wife along?
Would you bring your wife to one of those bikini-clad girl mud wrestling events?
OK, what if they were throwing it at you while laughing at how much of a tool you are for bringing along your wife? Really you probably shouldn't. She will not be amused by the state you are legally obligated to reach (see question #1).

I don't like Large Bottles of Guinness can I drink another drink instead?
Depends on what the other drink is. It must contain more alcohol per unit volume than does mouthwash, but you could probably drink mouthwash if you wanted, we'd just have to get a video of it. If it's non-alcoholic then you'd best go home and cry yourself to sleep.

I hear that tours are a great place to pick up girls
The pubs we visit are infused with the smell of old men. The people in the pubs are infused with the smell of old men. If you find a lack who's willing and don't mind that she reeks of old men and don't mind the fact that she's retarded for hanging out in an old man pub, go ahead.
We'll have to get a video of it though.

Can I not have my picture taken, and not be recorded on video?
No. Generally we take photos for the purposes of documenting tour attendance, retarded acts, impressive beards, and as source images for photoshopping you as the president of a gay leather-clad biker's club.

What's that smell?
Probably just old men.

What if I miss a tour?
Missing a tour is frowned-upon. You may be text bombed. You will get a slagging. But most importantly, we'll be disappointed in you.

You guys are mad, I don't think I can handle a tour
We're not that bad, just going out for a few laughs. Stay away if you can't take a joke.

I recently was too scared to attend the 'Hard Man Tour'. Does this mean that I am gay?
Yes.

I recently got arrested on a tour. Will this affect my credibility?
Yes. It will increase your rank and gain you much respect from your peers.

Can women attend a tour?
Well, as above, if it's your wife then that's probably not the best idea, unless you're looking for a divorce.
If it's just a friend or someone who enjoys a good laugh, then they can come along. Tours before 2009 were strictly men-only except a few inadvised deviations, however as of 2009 our tours are an equal-opportunity slagging event.

Can I come along on a tour, but just stay in one pub the whole night?
Yes, but that's called "going to the pub" and not "attending a tour". We will mock you. You may cry.
Note: To be counted as a tour attendee you must visit at least 3 pubs in the one night.

My wife is pregnant and due to give birth soon, should I go on tour?
This question should be restated as: What events would prevent me from going on tour? The only acceptable reason for not attending a tour is if all the pubs in Ireland have run out of alcohol, and that's not likely, is it?

I have a lot of personal issues and problems at home, can I share my life story with everyone while on tour?
You need a psychiatrist, therapist, or prostitute - someone who'll pretend to listen and make you feel better. The lads on tour will pretend to listen to you, but will then make fun of you for being a tool.
If that still makes you feel better then feel free to share, but you should still see a psychiatrist, therapist, or prostitute afterwards.

Can I drink gay or girly drinks, like Bacardi Breezers, on tour?
Certain tours are less rigorous in enforcing beverage rules.
For example, the Saratoga "tour" includes a very gay moonlit walk along the beach, so Bacardi Breezers are allowed and even encouraged. Similarly, the tours that include visits to the gay bars in town also allow fruity drinks.